Polish Sausages 2

(An addendum to Polish Sausages)

I never thought I'd hear his voice again. Grainy, choked from strain, yet distinctively Polish: "Peter, c- . . . come out to the sauna."

It was Jarek. Marta's father.

Still shaken from the previous sauna disaster back in January, I shuddered. "Are -- are you alive? How could--"

"I am back, Peter. They saved me."

"Are you in the hospital?" I couldn't believe it. I saw him pass away on his back yard with my own eyes.

"No, no. I am in my house. I'd like to make things up to you," he said, ending his sentence in a fit of coughs.

"By having us go back into the sauna?" I felt the bitter pangs of forgotten terror rising within my bowels.

"Yes. It would mean so much to me to have you all there. The sauna I built. Ready for the world. My own hands making something of true merit and substance. For my daughter's true friends. If I could only be so honored . . ."

"Yes. Yes." I stopped. Was it true? Jarek had survived the massacre. Why had Marta not told us?

"Jarek, sir, WE would be honored to visit your sauna. This Sunday."

I could hear weeping on the other end . . .

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"He's alive. I'm still in shock!"

Marta sat with me, taking a break in packing up for the big move to Seattle. I had just made coffee to help fuel a recording session, when she came in. I asked her about her father being alive and she said she had received a call two hours earlier by him. She still hadn't seen him yet.

I asked, "So are you going to go over there today? To meet him?"

"Unfortunately, I can't," she said, taking a sip. "Taylor and I are going down to Springfield for a couple of days, but I'll be seeing him first thing Sunday when we get back."

I paused, thinking of the best way to say the only resonating thought in my head.

"He wants us to use the sauna."

She stopped mid-sip. She lowered the cup down slowly, eyeing me with utter seriousness. What she said shook me to the bone.

"Only for him will I do it. I'll never go near that thing again after this weekend."

She finished her coffee. "Well, I better get going. So much to do."

I dumped the rest of my coffee down the drain. I had enough adrenaline as it was.

--------------------------------

Sunday, Marta, Taylor, myself and three new compatriots, Shannon, Falon, and Matt, ventured to Eden Prairie to say happy birthday to Jan, Marta's brother, and to say salutations to the resurrected Jarek.

Upon coalescing on the front lawn of Marta's parents' home, we were greeted with a short cry coming from inside the house. A second later, Jan came bolting out of the front door, tears streaming down his face.

"YOU CAME!!!" He screamed as he hugged his sister in a tight bear hug. He stepped back and regarded each of us. I was slightly perturbed by the look he gave me. It was one of hidden alarm, tucked neatly behind his happy exterior, save for a mere corner of unmasking. It was the tears that magnified my inquiry.

Marta broke the silence. "Happy Birthday, Jan!"

Jan looked at her with a startled jump. He smiled. "Do you want to see him?"

We all nodded in agreement.

He began to nod. "Okay!" He turned on his heels and walked toward the house with us following.

Immediately upon entering, I noticed the dining room table covered in food. A great deal of care was given to the scene. Pine stems and candles littered the setting in a meticulous pattern.

Falon gasped. "Oh my god, it's gorgeous! Who set this?"

Jan looked back. "Oh . . . I did." He blushed.

Shannon said, "You did this? But it's your birthday."

Jan said, "I forgot it was my birthday. It's really for my father."

Marta started to cry. She came up and embraced Jan, who was slow in returning the embrace.

I remarked to Taylor, "He seems like he's in a daze, man."

Taylor remarked back, "His dad turned up out of nowhere. I'd be dazed too if I was in his shoes."

I let it pass.

Marta said, "Where's Jarek?"

Jan stepped back, his smile fading. "Let's sit."

Marta stopped. "Is . . . is he coming downstairs to meet us?"

Falon remarked, "He's going to make a grand entrance, isn't he?"

Jan looked from Marta slowly to Falon. "Yeah. Yeah, that's right."

We took our places around the table. Two chairs were empty. Marta's mother and father, I presumed.

Jan took a lighter and lit two candles standing in the middle of the table. He then clinked a glass filled with white wine. "To Jarek. And to his sauna."

"To Jarek and the sauna," the group toasted. As I gulped down my wine, I noticed Jan twitch, look ever so slightly toward Marta, then back at the food. It was a subtle twitch, but noticeable all the same.

We ate a meat resembling that of Polish Sausage. Shannon asked, "Is this a Polish dish, Jan?"

Jan only sat, eating the meat in silence.

"The meat, Jan. Is it a Polish dish?" Shannon repeated.

Looking straight ahead, as if to no one in particular, he simply said, "Yes."

A single tear dropped down his cheek.

I couldn't take it any longer. I pushed back my chair and stood up. "Alright, what the hell's going on here?! Why are you acting so weird?"

Jan continued to stare into space. "Sit down."

I couldn't believe my ears. "What?!"

Simply, quietly, he repeated, "Sit down."

The entire group looked at me in concerned irritation. Matt finally pulled my sleeve. "Sit down, man."

I sat down slowly and finished the rest of my plate.

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After we all finished, Marta asked, "So, when's the grand entrance, Jan?"

Jan looked at the sauna from the dining room window. "Soon."

Falon said, "It'll probably be in the sauna, right?"

Jan turned and slowly walked toward the back door. "I'll get the sauna started up. Meet me there in fifteen minutes."

With that, we were left to our own devices.

"Well, I'm going to put my bathing suit on," Taylor said, heading for the guest bathroom.

We each went to separate quadrants of the house to put our suits on. After we changed, we set out to the sauna. Jan was standing with a hatchet in hand, positioned in a proud stance, he resembled a lumberjack posing for a photograph.

"It's all set," he said as we came near. "Just go on in."

Marta was the first to enter, a big smile on her face. Next was Taylor, followed by Shannon, followed by Falon, Matt, with me entering last.

As we all sat down, furnace in the middle, Marta shouted to Jan, "Are you coming in?!"

Jan said, "I have to go get dad!" Then he shut the door. We all heard what sounded like a bolt being drawn across.

"Was that a lock?" Matt asked.

Marta said, "There's no lock on the sauna door, why would there be?"

We sat, basking in the heat. The recommended time to sit within the confines of a hot sauna is 15 minutes. After five Shannon said, "Holy god, this feels good."

Falon said, "Tell me about it."

Matt asked, "Jarek really built this with his own bare hands?"

Marta answered, "That's what he says."

Ten minutes passed.

I looked back at the temperature. It was reaching 215 degrees. "What's taking Jarek so long?" I asked.

Marta closed her eyes. "I have no idea. All I know is I can't wait to see Papa after all this time."

Another five minutes passed.

Taylor stood up, dripping in sweat. "Alright, shall we step outside for a few minutes? Take a break?"

We all agreed in unison. Damn, it was hot in there!

We stood up. Matt pushed on the door. It didn't budge.

"C'mon Matt, open it," Shannon said.

Matt shook the door. "I -- I can't!"

Taylor pushed him aside. "What?! Let me try!"

He couldn't get it open either.

"Oh my god, it's locked!" he shouted.

Falon shouted, "It can't be locked!"

"I'm telling you, it's fucking locked!!" Taylor backed up and rammed the door with his shoulder as hard as he could. "It's bolted with something big on the other end!"

I looked out the side window and noticed a large metal bar going into a locking mechanism on the outside of the door. "He's right! Jan locked us in!"

Matt looked out of the window. "But why would he do that?!"

Shannon said, "I don't know."

Marta began to yell, "HELP! HELP!!"

I looked again at the thermometer. 235. The absolute peak. I asked, "Marta, how hot does this thing get? Does it go past what the thermometer says?"

She looked. "No, it's only supposed to go up to 215."

Just then, the thermometer broke.

Falon shouted, "It's getting hotter?!"

I looked at the furnace in the middle, and heard what sounded like a generator start up from outside the sauna. "What the hell was that?!"

The fire within the furnace glowed brighter, the flames doubling in size. We all felt the temperature rise another ten degrees.

"HELLLP!!! HELLLP!!!!" We all screamed.

Shannon leaned against the wall. "I . . . I'm feeling sleepy . . ."

Just then, I noticed a white haired man come strolling along the bottom of the hill beneath the sauna. He had a look of concern on his face, hurrying along at a medium speed.

I said, "Guys! Someone's coming! They must've heard us!"

The entire group sighed with relief. Shannon continued to close and open her eyes slowly, but she had the remnants of a smile on her face.

The man came up to the window. He cupped his hands around his eyes and peered in, looking frantically back and forth. He shouted "You alright in there?!"

All of us shouted "NO!!!!" in unison.

He smiled, then climbed the ladder leading to the chimney of the sauna. A moment later we heard his voice coming down the chimney through a grate in the pipe leading to the furnace. "Sorry, it's hard for me to shout nowadays! How you guys doin'?"

Taylor shouted into the grate, "Not good! We think we've been locked in here! The temperature is rising and we really need to get out! Can you unlock the door?!"

The man's voice sounded grainy, strained. Taunting. "Nope, no can do."

The voice was familiar. I recognized it as the voice on the telephone, asking me to come down to visit the sauna. Only there was no Polish accent. It couldn't have been this man, I thought.

"What do you mean 'No can do'?! Let us out!" Matt shouted.

"I'm afraid I can't let that happen," the white haired man said.

Taylor looked at Marta. "Marta, who is that guy?"

Marta, a concerned look on her face, said, "That's Albert Johnson. He lives two doors down."

Taylor said, "Well, what the hell's wrong with him?"

Marta shrugged.

Falon stepped up to the grate. "Open the fucking door, mister, or my parents, who are cops, are going to hunt you down and--"

"Oh, I don't think so," Johnson said with a smug little chuckle. "I'd keep my mouth shut now, if I were you. Save your breath. You're gonna need it."

"You called us earlier in the week," I said. "You acted as Jarek."

"Can't get nothin' by you, blondie," he said. "I guess I can squelch some of the mystique now that I got you in here."

"Who are you?" Taylor asked.

"Me? Well, only the one who built the very sauna you're standin' in."

Marta said, "My father built it."

"You see, now that's the problem. That's what's really got me in a tiff. It wasn't your father. It was me."

Matt's head hit the wall. He was out.

"YOU?!" I shouted. "WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU GOT ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT?!"

The man laughed. "Whoa, seriously, I mean it, save your breath, all of you. I got enough juice going into this thing to cook myself six rotisserie chickens tonight. You hear that hum? That's a generator. The temperature is going up ten degrees every minute or so. You'll be deader n' a dino in a tarpit come five of 'em the way you're talking."

"Why are you going this?!" Marta cried out.

"Whelp, I guess as payback. But it's also sorta my little secret. You see, your dad commissioned me to make this here sauna. He wanted an authentic Scandinavian hotbox. Being the friendly neighbor, I had to oblige him. But he didn't seem to heed some o' the ol' gossip runnin' round the campfire in the local commute."

"And what would that be?!" Falon sighed.

"Guess it ain't gonna get me in trouble now. I despise the Poles. I really do. My daddy was an immigrant, running from war crimes committed in the 1940's. He was a commanding officer of the Third Reich. Guess a little bit of his beliefs rubbed off on me."

"Your dad was a Nazi?!" Taylor said.

"Hey, gold star for you! Too bad it'd probably melt in the next five minutes."

"What does your dad being a Nazi have anything to do with this sauna?" Marta asked. "We're not even Jewish!"

"Well, see that's where the other part of my secret comes into the spotlight. Over the years I've developed a taste for meat. Ever since I was a little babby I loved the taste of fresh meat. Chicken, beef, pheasant. I went huntin' with my daddy ever since I could hold a gun. After awhile I started growing bored of your run of the mill white meat/red meat fiascos. So, I started to dabble in some of my own brew. My own kind."

"People?!" Shannon shrieked, before falling to the floor.

"Ah, is that another one I just heard fall down? Couple more to go, eh? It's gettin' to be about 280 right now." He was loving every minute of it.

He continued. "Yeah, you got me. A little bit of cannibalism, a little bit of Polack prejudice smacked into one. Once I heard a couple of Poles moved into the area, I thought, 'That's the end! There goes the fuckin' neighborhood!' Once your dad rapped on my door hearin' I was an esteemed sauna engineer I thought, 'Well, now there may be a little thing called karma after all'. I rigged up a little secret generator and bolt system unbeknownst to your patriarch, ready to get all of the Haftek family whenever I felt the time was right. Hanging out with him while building the thing, I started to like the guy. But after he started claiming that he was the one who built it, well, that did it. I felt the right time for a little payback came last January when I saw not only the Hafteks enter the sauna, but their little Polack friends, one of them an Arian traitor."

"Fuck you!" I said.

"Hey, my little Arian. Can't wait to sink my teeth into your right thigh. Well, I snuck up on you, turned on the generator, but just as I was about to bolt the door, you guys came out and went on top of the roof. Jarek was the one who took the blow."

"He started on fire and ran out screaming," I said. "The dog ate his back."

"It's a damn shame, ain't it? Fuckin' dog got to it before I did."

"He fucking died because of you!" Marta shouted. "And what about Jan?! Why did he lock us in here?"

"Oh, I don't know. Probably has to do with the fact I killed his mother before his eyes and fed her to him, threatening to do the same to him. He's a good boy once you go to certain extremes. How'd she taste, by the way?"

Marta went green. "You mean--"

Taylor went over to her. "Shh, Marta, he's just trying to get you riled up."

"No, I'm not tryin'," he went on. "Just tellin' the facts. He helped me prepare her just the way he helped prepare you."

"He locked her in here?" Taylor asked.

"Darn tootin'! I didn't think it'd be kosher for him to do all the postmortem details, all the grinding and shredding--"

"STOP IT!!" Falon shouted.

"Whew, yes ma'am! I take it you'll be the spiciest of the bunch! I started gettin' ancy for some fresh meat, so I plopped on over, slipped a nice little .45 near his temple and declared him my slave or else!"

The world was starting to fade to black. My vision was closing in on me right when I noticed Jan with a baseball bat. The same bat he used to thwart the Haftek dog off of Jarek back in January. He was coming slowly up the hill. I couldn't tell whose side he was on.

Johnson kept right on schpieling. "It wasn't too difficult either. No sir, he was as moldable as Moon Sand."

Jan climbed the stairs to the roof.

Johnson was saying, "I was kinda surprised, how fast he caved. He reminded me a little of myself, to tell the truth--"

Just then, we heard a THWACK! through the grate and a short little "GAH!" from Johnson. A moment later, we heard another THWACK! and Johnson fell off the side of the sauna, landing on his head, which emitted an audible CRACK! even through the window and locked door. Jan climbed down, and went to turn the generator off. Immediately we felt the temperature drop. The bolt was drawn back and the door flew open.

We all ran out, carrying the two fallen bodies with us. Jan said, "Quick! I don't want to lose too much of the heat!"

When we were all out, Jan carried Johnson into the sauna, dropped him, came out, bolted the door, and started the generator back up again.

"Jan!" I said. "What are you doing?"

Jan turned. "Giving him his just desserts."

That's when the screaming began. As we walked toward the house, I looked back, catching a glimpse of Johnson through the side window. He was on fire.

Marta hugged Jan. "Dad was never here, was he?"

"No," he answered.

She stopped him. "You did what you had to do, Jan."

Jan nodded. "I know."

We all walked to our cars. Jan said, "I'll catch up."

Driving back, I thought about what Johnson had been saying right about the time Jan had cracked him on the head. About Jan caving in so quickly.

I knew what Jan was doing right then. Knew about him opening the door of the sauna. Knew about Jan getting the dog. Knew about the big meal the dog would be allowed to have.

Jan reminded Johnson of himself because Jan was a hunter. Jan knew the best way to get back at an opponent was to let them win for a little while, no matter what the cost.

In the end, the cost of war is no match to reaping the hard fought reward of sweet revenge.

Marilyn Manson -- "Wrapped in Plastic"