50 Egg Challenge

A voice inside stepped into the light. He faced the council harboring the law of the brain. Harboring both reason and lust at bay. It seemed that so far Reason and Lust were at odds, fighting over their claim to the throne when it came to the topic of a blond angel.

The Chairman spoke: "And who are you?"

Tiny Voice: "My name is not important, sir. I'm merely another synapse passing through."

Chairman: "What would you like to say to the council?"

Tiny Voice: "I'd like to propose a wager."

Chairman: "A wager?! My dear sir, we are not in the business of making bets on petty sinful gaming schemes! We're proper here--"

Tiny Voice: "Oh really?! Then why hasn't the court come to a decision regarding the girl?! It's already been a month, and it's been taking up most of our resources, draining power away from the job search campaign and creativity."

Chairman: "We will not be lectured on our failings nor our successes, my young friend. If you are going to go on with this stunt, then--"

Tiny Voice: "Fifty eggs!"

Chairman: "What? Speak up, man, you're speaking gibberish!"

Tiny Voice: "Fifty eggs equals fifty days!!"

Chairman: "Will someone tell me what the hell he's talking about?!"



Eyes: "There is some relevance to what he's saying, sir. It appears that a motion picture, currently being watched, has sparked a small influx of activity within the logic quadrants of the Headquarters. A man in the film has just accepted a challenge of eating fifty eggs in one hour, and it has sparked our vessel to produce this new voice in our presence."

Tiny Voice: "Quite right. I raise a wager of fifty days! If our vessel can hold out for fifty days without the touch of the girl, Reason and Lust must sign a Cease Fire agreement."

Chairman: "Absurd! A bet?!"

Tiny Voice's Sister: "Where are you, Chairman?! You've inhabited a young man. Two years ago you took office, and most of the loins beneath have not worked a day. Just this month the loins quota has nearly quintrupled in activity!!! They've been given work! And you just want to throw a chance like this away!!"

Chairman: "I'm sure the loins will survive in the near future if we don't see to this bet. That's why I find this bet ludicrous! Your precious loins will all come down with a case of blue balled unemployment if we agree to this foolish game!"

Tiny Voice's Sister: "And for how much longer? Sir, despite the recent activity throughout the body's hormonic division, my brother and I fear that you are putting everyone at risk for another drought brought on by the Wrenchman, including potential death by the shotgun kept in his closet due to the Wrenchman's Jealousy Overhaul!"

Chairman: "And what if the Wrenchman wins back our girl during this time? Our girl will most surely look for sustenance within the clutches of the Wrenchman!"

Tiny Voice: "It's either one week more of slow work where Lust will drain due to the Emotional Baggage Bombs thrown down from Reason, or a plethora of work after the fifty days, when the girl potentially takes up residency wihin the Lovelife Vacancy."

Chairman: "Can't we find other vessels to suffice this vacancy?"

Tiny Voice: "We've tried sir. But you run your Logic Department so dry with overwork that the Anxiety Trashpile has been peaking in the red, prompting our vessel to never want to leave his room. We're about to have a major disaster within Logic. We fear lunacy is imminent."

Chairman: "What is this?! Are you trying to burn me at the stake? This is not about me!"

Tiny Voice's Sister: "IT IS ABOUT YOU!!! IT'S ALWAYS BEEN ABOUT YOU!!! WE WANT YOU OUT!!! OUT!!! OUUUUUUT!!!!"

Chairman: "I recognize your brother . . . he's . . . the one I took the position from, the former chairman."

Tiny Voice: "It's time you step down, Baxter."

Chairman: "NO!"

Tiny Voice: "Ladies and Gentlemen, feast your eyes on Baxter, the former Logic Warden. He ran that department into the ground five years ago, creating the Great Panic of 2004. Since we've been busy rebuilding, he's climbed his way to the top of the Council Chair, slipping underneath our radar, not doing damage himself, but instructing others to do so. Why do you think we've felt so lethargic these last five years? It's over, people! YOU'RE THROUGH, BAXTER!!!"

Baxter: "You'll never catch me!! I'll morph once again, taking over another important department with a new disguise!!!"

Loins President: "No . . . " (He shoots Baxter in the chest with a revolver)

Baxter: "GASP!! I just . . . wanted . . . to help . . ." (He dies)

Loins President: "Go ahead, Chaplin. Take the throne."

Tiny Voice (Chaplin): "Gladly, sir!"

(The crowd cheers)

Tiny Voice: "It's a new era, people! It's time we got back on the right footing! Just like we started on so long ago! Sorry for the delay, but I think we can manage! Starting with this fifty days wager! All in favor?"

Crowd: "AYE!!"

Chaplin: "Against?"

(No sound)

Chaplin: "Then let us commence the wager! This meeting is adjourned until fifty days' time!"

(The gavel sounds, and the council room is full of glorious uproar!)

Bowerbirds -- "Northern Lights"