When the Bloodline Simmers

All my life I've had a pretty strong rivalry with my brother. I can think of a few fights involving pens being stabbed into knee-caps, music stands used as cave man clubs, dog bones thrown at faces (usually this involved me being at the receiving end rather than the instigator). I don't remember when the fights subsided to mere emotional taunting, but it's still potent. It's hard to visit my brother.

There are two main causes to the repelling magnets within our relationship: 1) My brother loves to give unhinged advice and tries to exert control and domination over me. 2) I hate being corrected, taught, or dealing with people controlling me.

I've tried coming to grips with the second cause. It's the primary fuel for my demons and hardship throughout my life. I'm easily offended when it comes to people telling me what to do if I'm not prepared for the lesson plan.

Now, take the rivalry I have with my brother and place into the context of a Northeast Minneapolis household. There have been a number of former flings and romantic round-ups that have ended with the incestuous statement: "You're a lot like my brother." Kristen Swenson is no exception. In fact, she might be the sister I never had. And it shows, primarily in our rivalry.

We fight over the most trivial of situations. She tells me to turn off my coffee maker, she tells me to be nicer to people, she tells me to do this, do that. I tell her to shut up, calm down, you're making me nervous, you're not in control of me.

The repelling magnets hath been shown yet again . . .

Kristen is a controller. She likes to be in control, whether she knows it or not. She has to have a handle on the situation no matter WHAT the situation. That makes me nervous. It sparks something inside my semi-insecure brain that says she thinks less of me, she's a domineering force, and she'll dominate me if I don't retaliate.

I also like control, but more in the vein that I'm in control of my own life. I've never taken to peers giving me advice (although I have committed my fair share of hypocrisy with giving untold amounts of advice that was never requested in the first place). So when someone comes up to me and says "You know, you kind of hurt this other person's feelings. You should maybe say something to them." I fly off the deep end.

"If they have something to say they'll say it, I don't need you getting involved!"

I happen to think that I am in the right for saying that, it's not their business. But my response is a little over the top as well.

My goal: take those domineering situations and retort calmly and collectively state my rebuttal against being talked to the way a boss talks to their underlings. I'll be able to take the correction that I may or may not need to make in stride, file it under "IMPORTANT FOR LATER USE", and go on with my day.

I can't change Kristen, but hopefully this will change the way she talks to me. Or else I just won't notice it after I become a hindu cow with those red flag phrasings.

Maybe this is training for the day my brother and I mend the fault lines between us.

Alice in Chains -- "Brother"