Tomorrow is Today

Every President's Day, Miniapple Montessori has an inservice. They have morning lectures given by top Montessori teachers, health organization training, CPR and First Aid training. There's also a heavy bout of cleaning at each individual school in the afternoon.

The morning lectures are always somewhat refreshing. For one thing, they remind me that I'm too stressed out a lot of the time in front of the kids and that I might not be giving them the right kind of attention they need. Guiding, unrequited love, they call it. I agree with this statement.

We don't teach. We "guide". The kids form themselves, they are not "taught" anything. I think the term "teacher" is kind of misguided, in this sense.

Throughout the lecture, I kept thinking about how hard it is to give unrequited love when you yourself aren't fully in control of your life. My room is in shambles, I'm alone most of the time composing demos, I have a very limited food choice due to a small amount of money. My soul is in unrest.

Last week was a nightmare at the school. The director put in her two weeks notice, coworkers were stressed out, the kids picked up on that stress and were little tyrants all week long. I lost patience with myself, with my household, with my parents. It's not comforting to think that you have to go meet a quota with creativity each night instead of just relaxing. Besides, my room is on the first floor of an extremely noisy house. People's shoes click past my door almost constantly, post-school/work jubilated conversation takes place in the dining room adjacent to my abode, movies are watched with the surround sound on on the other side of the wall where my bed is posted, shaking the mattress like a massaging bed that costs a mere quarter per five minute session.

This environment is not conducive to creativity, relaxation, inner tranquility, growth.

I have a feeling that the coming seasons will bring two things: 1) Spring will have me cleaning out my room, stripping down the amp, keyboard, instruments in favor of some walking space. 2) Fall will most likely have me moving into a cheaper, larger abode (I say larger in terms of me having more living space rather than a cramped up room that I keep everything in. I need other rooms now to comfortably stash everything, which isn't much, but it doesn't fit in one room either). Taylor and Marta will most likely leave for Seattle in September or late August. I think that will be an ample time to move myself.

Maybe not, though. But it's something to think about. So far, this house has allowed me to be with my closest friends 24/7. We're still extremely close, living together has not tainted our relationship with one another. But we're moving apart from each other literally, and I can't afford to pay $500 a month for a cramped room. $400 for a cramped room sounds more reasonable. $500 for ample leg room is reasonable too. The element making up the difference right now is having the brothas from otha mothas together in one nucleus. The price you pay to be with true friends.

God, 2009's going to be interesting. Where the fuck am I going to be a year from now? Where will I be working the day job? How's about Patch? Where will I live?

A slingshot year. Gotta prepare . . .

Pearl Jam -- "Can't Keep"