The Sigh

The new chapter of my life begins today. Remnants of the last chapter echo throughout, felt by the emotions bleeding into the fresh air, like a delay pedal's feedback waning out slowly but surely. I've said goodbye to my best friends. The house is now completely foreign. Two months ago you would have never thought that it would be like this. My third roommate moves in today.

The most persistent feeling, though, deals with The Sigh. Whenever The Sigh is had, one of the most poignant moments of your life has just started. They usually come after feeling crappy about something, losing a job, friends, a death. For me, it usually pertains to breakups.

After I go through a breakup, I usually spend the next hour sulking, walking slowly, hunched over in the rain. A thought will enter my head, a positive one, at the same time a Sigh comes to my lungs. Both converge, and as The Sigh is emitted, a smile is left on my face. "Wait a minute . . . I'm free . . . I'm back on the market . . . I can do whatever I want! I'm OKAY!!!"

This tends to happen with relationships not lasting more than six months for me. If they've been more than that, The Sigh is miniscule and often unnoticed, since negativity and the new novel single life tend to be a little shocking.

I'm currently in a post-sigh mode. I was somewhat sulky this morning, having gone through what I can only call a breakup last night. What with casual dating, friends with benefits, becoming exclusive, staying single but exclusive . . . let's just say we've broken up. Since that's what I felt today. A decision was made on my part, she seemed to give it back mutually. This is golden Sigh material. A perfect brew.

Options to make the Sigh come unnaturally: get really hungry. Buy something you find particularly tasty and refreshing. For me, it's usually a sandwich with mayo and potato chips. Eat this when you're not too starved and shaking. Eat it while talking to someone. The conversation will most likely turn happy, and you will be left feeling a little hungry, still wanting more food. This makes me want to do things. I don't want to sit around and sulk, food coma getting the better of me.

There's always drinking. If you need a quick fix there's always the hard shot. But this leaves me depressed once it wears off a little. Wine. Wine it up. Get a bottle, drink it while working on something or while talking to a roommate. As you get a little lubed up, again, the conversation turns happy and things aren't so bad. The Sigh is just around the corner.

How NOT to make the Sigh come: don't listen to beautiful music. Even if it's happy and uplifting, if it's beautiful, you'll only think of shitty things. "She was beautiful, man", I'd think. "Her blonde hair is just like that flighty flute melody." Depressing music will get you in the dumps as well.

Don't watch movies. At all. Not even comedies. Same ordeal as above.

If you want to purposefully hold off The Sigh: write. Delve into it all. Get it all out and you might come out with some of the best work you've ever done. Then, since you're probably going to be in a funk, do the above activities for Sigh inducement.

Today: a ham and cheddar sandwich with mayo and chips did it. 3/4 into it, I emitted a loud sigh . . . and smiled.

The XX -- "Crystalised"