Give Peas a Chance

I assume you've read "The Princess and the Pea", or one of the story's adaptations. If you haven't, I'll refresh you:

A prince laments about how he can't find a REAL princess. They're all too beautiful, too fat, too skinny, have too many pets, etc. One day, a princess shows up at the doorstep of the court, seeking shelter from the rain (first off -- a princess in the rain? She doesn't travel by carriage or with coverage? Maybe she was also lamenting, wrought with emotion, opting to walk, dwelling upon her princess thoughts, like princesses are apt to do). The queen takes the opportunity to test this wet beauty. She places twenty of the most comfy mattresses in all the land on top of one single pea. She places the princess on this towering inferno of slumber. The next night, the king and queen, over the newspaper and english muffins, ask her how she slept. The princess complains that she could hardly sleep a wink due to an uncomfortable lump pressing against her back all night. The family smiles, content that because she is so sensitive, sensitive enough to feel a pea through twenty mattresses, she will be the rightful bride for the prince.

I have some reservations for this story, namely on the subject of "sense making": who in their right mind would want to marry someone who feels a fucking pea through twenty mattresses? If she's that sensitive, I'm sure she'll complain all the time. "The wind has grit in the air, it hurts my face!", "The sun beams are too hot!", "Your prick, while small, feels like sandpaper amongst my womb walls!"

How is this story showing children the merit of true love? It doesn't. It makes people want high-maintenance pea brains . . . come to think of it, this does explain the intriguing monsters down on First Ave. in downtown Minneapolis on the weekends. The high-strung princesses are out in full force in that locale with many a drooling popped collared chivalrian following close behind.

I'm never going to read that story to children again.

Metric -- "Monster Hospital"