Jimmy Crack Porn

I would say that I might have had the best fit of laughter today after meeting one of the weirdest guys I've ever had the pleasure of shaking hands with . . . so far.

Drummer Dave and brother Matthew held a barbeque birthday bash at their home in Lakeview, MN. First off, I'm so goddamn happy for Dave and his family. He's really pulled through for them, held on, and climbed the entire barrel from which he has seemed to spend a number of times at the bottom of. I fucking love the guy. Incredibly inspirational. "Karmath" is actually about him . . . I don't think I've ever told him that.

Sitting around his backyard campfire, we look over at his next door neighbor's house. It's a goddamn mess. A junkyard of trash, machinery, and the biggest woodpile known to man ("It's bigger than his house!"). It would make a beaver cream itself.

I asked about him. Dave said "Yeah, he's uh . . . he's kind of nuts. He's sporadic. He's cool sometimes, but other times he's a little . . . I don't know."

I was picturing some creepoid American Psycho character, watching us from his window. I went inside to get some food and came back to the fire. There was a new face, dressed in plaid, long white hair, face haggard from years of smokin' and drinkin' and shovelin' the shit o' life for so many goddamn fuckin' years . . . he was your regular regular at the local watering dive holes. I donned my "Whelp, here's a man who's going to want to tell stories and you're not going to be able to relate but you're just going to have to put up with it" face.

This was the most foul mouthed drunk I've ever met. And I freakin' loved him!

It wasn't so much the stories, although one about going to a strip bar too early in the day ("GET OUTTA HERE, WE AIN'T OPEN!!") was kinda funny. It was the way he talked.

"I had her puss in the puss, cum all over m' face, and I'm goin' 'Yessir, yessir, Imma tryin' to oblige but yer see I can't." The dialect of too many years of hard American blue collarage.

I can't describe it. I think the following clip describes it best. Picture a foul mouthed version of this feller:



That's also the way we had to bail, too. After Adri and I got into the car we kept going over some of what he said and we almost died laughing. I'm sure he'll be popping up in inside jokes from now until the day we die.

Frank Zappa -- "Peaches en Regalia"