Captain Trips

We are in the midst of a plague. Them damn pig lickin' toddlers done got us in a fix, and now we're payin' for the sins we hath committed. The gluttonous wine and dine are now inflicted with the flu of the Swine.

Here's something interesting: I get the notion that, while we are taking pains to prevent H1N1 from spreading within our walls, it doesn't matter much to anybody. A couple of kids have been "treated" for H1N1, there hasn't been any word on whether or not they actually had it. There's also the notion that H1N1 is the only flu strain going around right now, so it's always a good idea to be treated for Swine Flu no matter what.

We sent more kids home this week than any other time I can remember. I think we were half-capacity today. Still, there's no panic, there's no "Go get yer flu shot!" It's "Feel better, give me a hug, I care that you're sick." Guess what? I've probably got Swine Flu all over my clothes right now. Am I worried? Am I ignorant? Am I careless? Why do I feel so . . . calm about this.

It may have to do with hand sanitizers.

I'm not the biggest clean freak in the world. My room is testament to that. I always wash my hands after I use the bathroom but I don't wash my hands enough in general, pertaining to when I've worked outside, or touched lots of dust, or finished cleaning with poisonous cleaning products, taken out the garbage, etc. Germs are OKAY. Here's a little hint: if you clean them all off how is your body going to know how to fight them off? Just like flu shots, giving your body a little bit of germs to munch on will teach it to eradicate the threat of them. We freak out about getting shots yet we clean ourselves silly with HAND SANITIZERS. Alcoholic germicides that wipe out everything, from the serious badass intestine munchers to the not-so-cool bad breath hounds.

While at college, we were taught in the Child Psych department to keep hand sanitizing products AWAY from kids. 1) Alcohol is in it. Kind of poisonous to little people. But not that big of a deal, really. 2) Allergies will develop because the body won't know how to fight off minor germ threats. It will just go into a default panic, creating hives, shortness of breath, etc. 3) YOU'LL GET SICK MORE BECAUSE YOUR BODY WON'T KNOW THE GERMS IT NEEDS TO FIGHT OFF THROUGHOUT YOUR LIFETIME!!!!

Parents have requested that we keep hand sanitizing solution in our school. They actually demanded "Why don't you have hand sanitizer in your classrooms?!" You fucking imbeciles, HAND SANITIZER IS THE EXACT OPPOSITE TO WHAT YOUR CHILD NEEDS!!! There are notices posted in the school saying "We don't use hand sanitizer because it has alcohol in it. It is your choice (the parent) to use this product." No mention of my second and third reasons for not using hand sanitizers. There is one bottle of hand sanitizer in the school. I see a lot of people using it, as it is in the entryway.

This is why we're all going to die in a massive plague apocalypse. Because we don't listen, we think it makes sense to use the germicide all purpose killer.

Again: don't use hand sanitizers, people. This isn't a conspiracy. Your body needs germs to fight constantly, creating a large database of things it doesn't like.

Use regular hand soap. NOT anti-bacterial soap. It's the same concept as hand sanitizers.

The more your body is introduced to small amounts of germs, the more it will be immune to all sorts of foreign contaminants. Seriously, you won't get sick. The more you kill those germs before they are introduced to customs, the more your customs bodyguards will fail in noticing an imminent threat to their vessel.

Morphine -- "Top Floor, Bottom Buzzer"