A Man's Call of Duty

Ye olde debate: the toilet seat. Up or down?

The heat is on at work as new men gain employment at the Southeast school. The one adult bathroom has now been impeded by heartless souls who leave the seat up, leaving pee driplets for all to see on the rim.

Nevermind the fact that it's the RIM OF A TOILET. You ever going to sit on that? No? Just . . . you just don't want to look at it, right? Three drops of yellow? O-okay, just clarifying, crossing t's and dotting i's, is all.

What's the cleanest part of the toilet? Sure as hell ain't the rim, amirite? The seat. Yeah, the seat's the cleanest. Ass cheeks don't really pick up too much in terms of germs, I could be wrong, though. So, we're all making a fit about reaching down and bringing a basically germless piece of porcelain onto the rim of the toilet.

Here's the thing. I have it ingrained within my skull to put the toilet seat down at all times. Growing up, I had a dog who had an obsessive pension to drink toilet water in obscene amounts to the point of pukage. So yeah, we always put the seat down to save ourselves a cleanup. Now I persist on putting the seat down by habit, only slightly aware of my honorable duty to help my fellow females out.

Here's the thing: it's not that we leave the seat up on purpose. It's because we forget. We couldn't give a shit either way. We reach down and put the seat up all the time. We look at the pubic hair ridden rim as we let 'er rip. We put the seat down . . . usually, as we flush.

There's always that one time, though. You forget. Whoops.

It's not our fault the rim is usually our making. It's not our fault we have to put the seat up and down. We're trying to get by with what we have. We look at the rim every day, doesn't bother us. Most of us have the courtesy to put the seat down for y'all.

There is the man who constantly persists on leaving the seat up. Personally, I hope to sometimes go into the bathroom right after and find that GASP! I don't have to reach down and put the seat up! I win! A little stress off my day! Even when I go in on these post-forgetful sessions to take a full out dump, I don't mind if I have to put the seat down.

For women, you don't need to concern yourselves with the seat. As far as you're concerned, the pubic hair rim doesn't exist. Bathroom ignorance. Alright. Don't you think a visual reminder is always healthy? Like taking a shower before you go swimming, it prepares you for when you have to clean the rim at your house. It exists, you can't hide from it forever.

Think of it as a service to you. Our petty forgetfulness and unfortunate tuneout of chivalry could be your pre-pool shower for when cleaning day is right around the corner, and it's your turn to clean the commode.

In other words: lighten up.

Florence and the Machine -- "Dog Days Are Over"