The Lonely Deaths of Dream Chasers

One of the most confounding statements we are bombarded with from birth is "Follow your dreams. If you persevere, you will reach your goals."

First: define your dream. If you want to be President, CEO of a company, a rock star, a sports player, a celebrity of some sort, an astronaut, a top dawg lawyer, whatever, there are a ton of hoops you need to jump through.

For becoming any sort of worker you have to pull your weight in school. Now, I do find college to be challenging, but it's easy. You follow the guidelines, it's all written out for you, you've got it. If you really want to make your name known at all, either on campus or post-college . . . that's where things get harder.

You want to be President? The controversies, the extreme amount of opposition from the public, etc. Sports player? Health concerns, your own body, what if you trip and completely screw up your ankle permanently? CEO of a business? Learn how to deal with people hating your guts, people throwing faux love at you to get work, learn how to be a ruthless son of a bitch when it comes to hard decisions. You're going to have to ruin people's lives at times in order to make the business succeed.

For me it's obviously rock star. If it's to be a common, everyday rock cover artist, that's easy. But if it's a vision, a true vision for a new movement in music, I can't tell you the stress I've had from Patch.

The latest battle over the Patch rehearsal space in the back of the Monroe House is one more drop in the bucket o' problems I've faced in the last year. 2009 started out with computer problems with "Schematics" recording. It then went on to having to wait four months for mixing to be started on. Then waiting another two and a half months for mixing to be worked on, now I have to wait a month for mastering to be completed. The real stress comes from the live band. Getting people into the band, clearing out the back space, trying to coordinate all of the band so that they can meet once a week. Now we're being outed by a neighbor. It's one thing after another.

I will not give up on this band. It's seriously my dream. But I'm not going to lie, I have had thoughts of "Should I just give up now? This is getting to be too hard." Of course I won't give up. But if nothing works, and problems keep facing us, when's the time to quit? When does a dream, no matter how hard you've pursued it, become a burden to an individual? When people start saying "You should quit"? When do you start to consider that possibility?

Patch can be huge. It can be known. How many challenges am I going to face to reach the goal of recognition? How many challenges will I face if we are known? A lot of it is on me since it's my vision. My parents ask me, "So, what's the gameplan for you and music? When are you going to quit and go back to school?" I haven't thought about this, to be honest. I'm 25. I'm still in the prime age of becoming a successful rock artist. If I feel like everything I'm doing is failing, then I guess I'll just know when to throw in the towel. But I don't imagine Patch to be a failure. So far, I've just had a lot of speed bumps dealing with outside forces. True tests of skill and merit.

In the research I did before writing a lot of the songs that would appear on "Schematics", I came across the notion of the West's fascination with fantasy and superheroes. Especially action heroes. These characters tend to exhibit true focus and perseverence without much effort. People latch on to that. They love seeing a figure exceed in their beliefs. Problem is, in the real world it's hard to exceed in your beliefs.

I admit, rock star is a 13 year old sort of dream. I'm a young adult still trying to do it. I'm frustrated a lot of the time, and beaten. The pain I feel in life, that is exhibited in Patch's music and performance, mainly comes from Patch itself.

Only something inside me keeps saying "Keep going . . ." I get shot by a rifle. "Keep going . . ." I get run over by a car. "Keep going . . ."

I hope that voice never says "Stop, it's okay," until I've made Patch a national entity that hasn't crashed and burned by flying too high in the celebrity world. I want to end it on my terms. When the time's right.

I guess until then I'll have to get used to the taste of metal from all of the bullets perforating my body from all the opposing forces the world throws at me.

The Flaming Lips -- "See the Leaves"